How We Connect
by I-Am-Kingofgames
Summary: He shouldn't feel this way. Not when everything was so beyond ok. When everything was so wonderful. This didn't make sense. [cross-posted from my AO3 account]


**Author's Note: I found this on my hard drive recently, and I felt that it is relevant to my own emotions lately, so I wanted to share it with you all. I'm sure it's a concept that's been done many times before, but here is my take on it.**

* * *

At first it all seemed to happen too fast.

The duel, realizing the consequences of it, hearing his other self who was no longer his other self shout his real name, feeling his heart freeze over as he prepared to lose him forever.

And then suddenly he stopped walking, stopped advancing into the light that was making Yugi feel sick, and turned back to look at him.

He caught his eyes for a split second, and then glanced back at the door. He was looking at something Yugi couldn't see, something no one else in the room, and perhaps no one else alive, could see. Yugi could tell by the look on his face that he was also _listening_. Someone was speaking to him. A God? A friend? Someone from the past?

He nodded, it bordering on a bow, smiled, and turned back to them.

Yugi remembered how much it felt like time, which was moving so very quickly before, seemed to stop suddenly, as the other opened his mouth to speak.

"I am permitted...-"

he started, and Yugi remained frozen, tears still in his eyes, unable to move or even process thought,

"-Another chance."

The room froze along with Yugi now, and he swore that moment lasted years.

It broke as the whisper fell from his lips before he even realized he was speaking.

" _what...?"_

He took two steps towards them, distance still between them, but Yugi's heart fluttered with each step, his mind racing with thoughts of how he was moving towards him and not away from him.

"I am permitted another chance..." he spoke again, "to experience life..." Yugi's vision blurred with tears he couldn't stop, as he took a desperate step towards the man who was still carefully deciding his words.

"-to experience life..." he repeated, eyes on Yugi who was now only steps away, "because of my willingness to sacrifice myself..." he said, as though he was quoting someone.

Yugi couldn't speak. Couldn't move. Couldn't process this. His head was only his own thoughts now, but they were shouting so loudly, and were so silent all at once, that it was overwhelming.

"Life...with you..." the former Pharaoh managed, emotion bleeding into his voice now.

He quickly closed the last few steps towards his partner and gathered him into his arms, holding as tightly as he could manage, locked in their very first real physical contact. His body was almost glowing, and it made Yugi cling tighter to him in fear that he would somehow dissipate, fade away, or become untouchable again.

Yugi burst into tears the moment he came into contact with the other's skin, the sensation completely new and completely overwhelming. He was still processing. Life? He wasn't...leaving? He wasn't passing on...? Life...?

Real life?

They were bringing his other self to life?

True life?

His thoughts raced, and yet, he was completely comfortable in the other's grip.

It took him a minute to realize the other was also crying. He didn't think he'd ever heard him quite as emotional before. He'd never been physical enough to be this emotional before.

" _Mou hitori no boku..."_ he managed through his tears, "I-I mean..." he stuttered, realizing that his other self really _wasn't_ just his other self anymore. He was physical now. He had a name, a body, a being.

"It's ok." the other spoke, finally seeming to regain some of his dignity, but still refusing to let go quite yet. " _Mou hitori no ore..."_ he answered affectionately in a whisper, a nickname he almost never used, but knew Yugi needed to hear right now. He didn't mind still being Yugi's other self. Not for just a little while longer.

He heard Yugi sob and held him just a little tighter.

But that was when the structure shook, and someone yelled something about running, and he grabbed Yugi's hand and rushed him out.

Everything after that was such a blur.

His other self beside him on a plane, dressed in modern clothes, a pair of black jeans and a t-shirt, and acting like everyone else, like this was completely normal.

Speaking to him aloud, speaking to him where everyone else could hear and having him answer, and feeling the voice resonate in his ears physically, like it never had before.

Yugi fell asleep on the plane, the flight being hours and hours long, and his exhaustion getting the better of him.

As his eyes started to close and he tried to fight it, he felt another hand close loosely around his, and heard a whisper, as though it was meant to be private, not shared with the friends around them who were still very energetic it seemed.

" _It's alright, aibou. Rest now. We'll be home soon."_

And he obeyed.

While he was asleep, their friends continued to make quiet conversation with the being they were once only able to speak to through Yuugi.

They were only half an hour from home when Yugi, not quite awake yet, reached up to where the puzzle used to hang, and gasped, shocking himself awake, panicking when he didn't feel it.

Although, what no one else could see was that part of the real source of panic was the empty feeling that echoed in his heart.

Before he could truly panic, a concerned expression caught Yugi's frightened own.

"Aibou? It's ok, I'm here. Don't be afraid."

It was almost awkward, in a way it never could have been before.

"You're...here..." Yugi repeated, taking in his existence all over again, reaching out to touch him just to check to make sure he was real.

Yugi felt his cheeks turn red with embarrassment for having panicked in front of all his friends, even as his eyes filled with new tears.

Even though he napped on the plane, he was so exhausted by the time they got home that everything seemed like a dream.

His head felt so empty he could hardly think, and he reached to grab his Yami's hand, before the emptiness could start to hurt.

Before long, he was back in his bedroom, shoving his luggage on the floor to deal with later, and pulling the man beside him close to him again.

"Sorry I just...you're really here..." he spoke quietly, still taking this all in.

"It's ok. I...-" he bowed his head, almost close enough to lean it on Yugi's shoulder, as he struggled to find words, "I'm...glad I'm here. I'm glad to be here with you."

And it was awkward, but at the same time it _couldn't_ be. Because it was them. And awkward was hard to come by, with them. They knew each other so completely, so inside out, that awkward was rare. But this almost passed for it.

Yugi found that he couldn't think of anything else to say, but he let himself crawl into his bed without a word, reaching his hand out to the other in an invitation. -come sit with me...- he thought, before he realized the other wouldn't be able to hear it.

But it turned out that he didn't need to hear it, to understand the gesture, as he carefully and quietly climbed into bed beside him.

They laid beside each other for a while, as Yugi wondered how close to him it would be ok to get. He turned to see his eyes, and it hit him who this really was. This was his _other self_. The one he'd been sharing thoughts with less than 24 hours ago.

He put his arms around him, and turned so that they were much closer. Almost cuddling, or close enough to be.

The other froze, for just a second, and then reciprocated, pulling Yugi even closer with his arms around him lovingly.

It was quiet.

Yugi was so comfortable, but his head was starting to hurt. And his chest was starting to ache.

-Yami-, he thought, before realizing again that the other wouldn't be able to hear him. That realization choked him.

"What's wrong, aibou...?"

He could feel the vibration of his voice in his chest, just as well as he could hear it in his ears. This was all startlingly physical.

"I...nothing, Yami, I promise...I'm ok..." he said, forgetting to use his name, as was quickly becoming a bad habit.

"Yugi..."

Why did he think he could get away with lying when he was so close to him again? The emptiness in his chest throbbed again and he remembered why he'd needed to lie in the first place.

"I-..." the tears were building back up, and he was starting to feel ridiculous, but the pain made it feel so easy to cry...

He felt a hand start to brush slowly through his hair, and it eased the pain if only a little.

When he didn't continue to talk, the other pressed him again, wanting desperately to know what was making his partner cry.

"It's ok, Yugi...you can talk to me..."

Yugi started to feel guilty. Why did his chest ache so badly? Why did his head ache and echo and feel so, so empty? His Yami was _right here_. So why did it hurt?

He shouldn't feel this way. Not when everything was so beyond ok...everything was...wonderful actually. This didn't make sense.

It especially didn't make any sense when more tears forced their way out of him, the pain in his chest becoming overwhelming.

-mou hitori no boku, I...- it bounced around in his head, echoing endlessly, never to be heard by anyone but him. He sobbed.

"Shhh."

His Yami was being so patient with him, despite how little sense this made.

"Please tell me what's wrong, Yugi..."

He asked desperately. And Yugi knew that he couldn't feel what was wrong anymore, and it made the ache in his chest swell.

"It...doesn't make any sense..."

"That's ok." came the answer quickly.

Yugi considered this. Even if...if his chest ached and his head felt empty, this was still his other self, right here in front of him, holding him close and playing with his hair. Of course he could tell him...

"I...I think... I miss you..." the tears started flowing freely again, "I miss you so much, mou hitori no boku, it hurts..."

He heard a quiet gasp of understanding from the man who was currently under him with his arms around him.

"Keep talking, aibou. I want to hear your voice."

"huh...?"

He pushed Yugi away in such a way that he could meet his eyes.

"I...I've never heard your voice this way before. Not...not like this. Will you keep speaking aloud for me?"

Yugi couldn't make himself keep meeting those eyes, so he looked away, staring at something meaningless.

"It's...you can't hear me anymore, can you..."

He felt a hand return to playing with his hair.

"Not that way anymore."

The words made him tear up again.

"It's ok, aibou. It's ok."

Yami expected this on some level. His own head was so empty it was being frustratingly hard to string words. But he was so overwhelmed by the constant physical sensation that he'd hardly noticed the ache deep in his chest, yet.

But as his aibou sobbed into his shirt again, he knew he had to do something.

Neither of them thought it was strange how close they were laying. In fact, it didn't feel close enough.

"Here..."

he spoke, getting Yugi's attention.

He encouraged him to truly lay on top of him, needing him closer than he was. He suspected Yugi wanted to be closer too. It would ease the ache of the loss of the connection between them.

"I want to show you something."

he said, as he pulled Yugi to lay with his ear pressed just over his heart.

Yugi gasped.

"You're alive..." Yugi whispered, as though he was realizing it for the first time.

"I'm alive..." he replied, also seeming to find the fact surprising.

His heartbeat started to fill the void in Yugi's head.

Speaking of the void...

"Yami-...Atem. Do you think...it'll come back...?"

He had to make using his real name a habit.

Yami, who was perfectly fine being called 'Yami' for the rest of ever, knew he was talking about their connection without having to ask.

"Honestly..? I have no idea... but... it might. I hope it does..."

Yugi reached for him in his head, in his heart, and for the longest time it felt like the empty void that had been hurting him so much. But before too long, he started focusing on the heartbeat in his ear. Eventually, he found a tiny leftover imprint of the presence he used to feel.

As soon as he focused on it, pulling it close, not forgetting to let the heartbeat guide him, he felt the gasp underneath him.

"There you go..." he heard, and felt, him say drowsily, knowing he was enjoying the feeling too. "Don't let me go..."

He felt the other's breathing level out under his ear too, both of them getting drowsy after all of this mess.

He let the heartbeat lull him to sleep.


End file.
